Rain
by Bleach Fox
Summary: I looked up at the sky when the first few drops hit my face and frowned, it was beginning to rain. Shoving my hands deep in my pockets, I sighed. Rain always brought back memories best left forgotten, memories of him. - Warning: Heavy Angst


Rain:

Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to Bleach or the characters in this story.

Warnings: Yaoi (boy x boy), swearing, angst

A/N: I have no idea why I wrote this, it just came into my head and persisted so I wrote it. It was even raining when I wrote this. Not my usual thing but meh, first time for everything so here you go.

I looked up at the sky when the first few drops hit my face and frowned, it was beginning to rain. Shoving my hands deep in my pockets, I sighed. Rain always brought back memories best left forgotten, memories of him. I stopped as my heart squeezed painfully, don't think about it. I walked quicker, the desperate need to get home before it began pouring down with rain increasing with each second.

Of course I didn't make it, within seconds I was drenched and still a couple of blocks from home. My clothes stuck to my skin, the cold reaching to my bones and I shivered, wishing I had a coat. I smiled and looked down, remembering when he used to give me his coat whenever I was cold. It was always too big and I looked ridiculous, but I'd wear it, just because he wanted me to.

Without thinking about it, I changed direction, heading out of the suburbs into the more rural side of town, away from home and any shelter from the rain. I thought back to the first time we met, Renji had dragged me into town to help find Rukia a birthday present and I walked into him. He took one look at me and asked me out on the spot, I was too shocked to do anything other than nod and agree to meet him later that day.

It didn't take long for things to get serious, hell we moved in together after a few months. His reason, 'why not'? I shivered, thinking about all those nights we spent together. His hands gripping my hips, pulling on my hair, his lips on my body, his head pressed to my shoulder, his body on top of mine, saying my name, me screaming his until my voice grew hoarse. I paused, shoving the thoughts away, I couldn't think about that.

Three years, that's all we got. I glanced up to see a large hill and sighed, steadily climbing the side of it. Three years then he was gone, just disappearing one day, never to come back. I looked up at the sky, at the rain and shook my head. Why did bad things happen in the rain? First my mother, and now him too. Was I not allowed to love? Or be loved in return? Was I supposed to just live alone for the remainder of my life? I suppose I'd have to, no-one can replace him. No-one can filled the gaping hole he left in my life.

I felt my phone buzz and pulled it out, glancing at the screen which flashed Rukia's name. I shoved it back in my pocket, I couldn't talk to her now, I needed to be alone. She knew how I got when it rained, how depressed I'd become. I couldn't burden her with my problems, she already had enough to deal with having a baby.

I smiled bitterly. We'd talked about it occasionally, adopting a child. I always thought one day we would, I guess fate had other plans. We had so many plans, so many things to do. Now all that was left is distant memories and a few mementoes. Reaching the top of the hill, I stopped in front of the tree found there and dropped to my knees, bowing my head.

Why did he have to leave me?

Why were my last words to him, 'I hate you'?

Did he die thinking I did? That I didn't love him?

I clutched the front of my jeans and sighed heavily. I loved him, I still do and probably always will. Nothing and no-one can change that.

So why did he have to be taken away?

I remember waking up every morning to him being there, by my side. Now I woke up to an empty bed and it hurt. I can't remember his face clearly anymore, the memories are starting to fade. It's been five years since I last saw him, heard him, touched him. I'd do anything to see him again.

Why did he have to die?

Why did it have to rain?

It was raining when it happened. I got a call, saying there had been a crash, that he was in hospital having emergency surgery. His lung had collapsed and they never managed to resuscitate him. By the time I got there he was already gone. He'd swerved off the road, avoiding a young girl who had run out. He hit a building, a part of the car piercing his chest.

It was my fault he was dead.

He wouldn't have been driving if it wasn't for me.

I think about our fight, how stupid it was. The new girl at work had a thing for me, he naturally got jealous. After a while, the questions got suspicious. Where have you been? Who were you with? What were you doing? He didn't trust me, I don't know why. I would never cheat on him, I loved him. I guess he never believed me. So I got mad, yelled at him, said some spiteful things and told him I hated him.

He took the car keys and left.

He died in the next two hours.

By now, I couldn't tell if my face was wet because of my tears or because of the rain. Probably both. It was my fault he was dead, I made him leave, get in the car and drive away. I killed him. He died thinking I hated him, maybe he hated me too.

I wish I could see him one last time, tell him I'm sorry, that I really do love him. But I can't, I never will. His last words to me were, 'Fuck you Kurosaki'. I can't even say he loved me at that point, we were close to breaking then. I hope he did, I still loved him, I still do.

Fate is a bitch huh.

One minute you have everything and the next, nothing.

He's gone but I'm still here. He left me behind and I can't follow. Maybe one day I can and I'll see him again. It's a long shot but it's all I have. My phone rings again, it's Rukia. I don't answer. She's worried but I can't find it in myself to care. I may at one point, have been suicidal, but not anymore. He wouldn't want me to do that. I can't bring myself to do it. She doesn't need to worry, I won't do anything rash.

The rain starts to lessen, the clouds lifting so I can see again. The gravestone in front of me becomes clearer and I can see the word engraved on it. Two simple words, that had the effect to break my heart.

_'Grimmjow Jaeggerjaques'_

I know now that it was tears falling down my face, it always is. A part of me doesn't care, a part of me does. I don't know which side's winning, frankly I don't care. I just want to see him again, to feel him hold me one last time. To say my name or even just smirk like the asshole he was.

I miss that smirk, I miss his cocky attitude.

I miss him.

My heart breaks that tiny bit more, I wonder how much of it remains unbroken. Not much I assume. I bow my head again and wipe my face. If he was here he'd call me pathetic. I can't bring myself to care.

"Ichigo!" My head snapped up, a faint call of my name. It couldn't be him though. "Ichigo?" I sighed when I realised it was Rukia, slowly rising to my feet as she ran up the hill. She saw me and ran to my side, pulling me into a hug. "What are you doing up here?"

"I needed to see him." My voice cracks, it's broken, just like the rest of me. He left me here broken, never to come back and fix me.

She sighed and glanced at his grave before rubbing my arms, smiling softly. "Come on, let's get you home and into something warm."

As she pulls me away, I can't help but glance back. He may have left me behind, but one day I'm going to follow him and find him again. "Goodbye... Grimmjow."


End file.
